Sunday, September 4, 2011

We're rising, we're falling

Life has ups and downs right? I can accept that. That is what keeps me going during the down parts. I know that soon everything will pick up. But howcome my ups and downs are in such close proximity? It's as if my life is bipolar!

Okay so one minute Dad's thanking me for being such a good daughter and cooking him dinner...the next he's complaining that I'm taking too long to clean out my room.

One minute Keith has a girlfriend and we can't be together, the next he's finally broken up with her but his controlling mothers making him repeat in some posh private school so now I'll only get to see him Fridays.  And worst of all is that I can't even text him on the other days since he'll be in school from 9am till 9pm.

One minute I'm thinking that I might be losing weight and I feel a bit better about myself, the next i'm scoffing down some crackers and crying to myself because I'm such a failure.

One minute my friends and I just click and I can do no wrong, the next I can't even breath without feeling like they hate me.

I just want to crawl into a very dark cave and sleep for a week, then I want keith to join me with fresh grapes and berries and we'll live on them forever and it'll be dark and I won't have anymore headaches and it won't matter what we look like as it'll be too dark to see. And we can come out at night and lie together beneath the stars and nothing will matter and no one will tell me how to live my life or what i'm doing wrong and it'll be amazing.

End of fairytale dream and I'm in my room and it's 3:45am and I planned to go to bed three hours ago and I have to get up at 10am and my head hurts and tomorrow is going to be another bad day I can tell. But I just won't eat to make up for it. Too bad I'm going to the cinema and I love cinema popcorn but I don't deserve it anyways.

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