I'm trying. I really am. Full throttle, ready, set, GO. Wait, no, hold on, there's a problem, don't go yet, you have to wait for fuckers to twist the knife.
I just don't understand. People say things. They make promises. They plan great things and life sounds wonderful in this made up future. But in reality, these futuristic euphorias never arrive do they? We just carry on at the same speed on a boring road where nothing ever changes. "Wait! Have we driven past that tree before? I'm sure I've seen it before. Woah de javu!" Nope, we're just driving in circles, lifes on repeat!
Ever heard the ecpression - "don't worry about me, i'm used to it"
Well that's me in one sentence.
*Sigh*
I don't even know why i'm writing. I have this blog, it's pointless I suppose, I have no followers haha, I do on my other blog but that's for different things. I just needed to write. About anything. About nothing. I needed to dance do so I did it, got up and dance like a mad person till I collapsed. Needed that. I'm trying this new thing - Living for myself, not others. I'm sick of people letting me down and holding me back so you know what? Fuck them.
I'm not happy. I'm not going to say i'm depressed because I've been close to depression and this isn't it. Depression's a big word and it's thrown around too lightly and I don't want to be one of those people who says "Oh it's raining, now I'm going to be depressed all day." I'm not depressed because I'm still able to function, when your depressed you feel so mentally drained it's hard to make yourself shower in the morning never mind get out of bed in the first place.
But that's getting off topic. Moral of the post is I'm not happy, or at least I amn't most of the time. When I started writing this I was near tears, but once again people intervene, they change things, for the better or for the much much worse. This time a person changed things for the better but I know in the long run it'll lead to much much worse feelings.
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