Thursday, July 21, 2011

Is there something on my face?

What is it about me that screams "Hey! Please come into my life, mean something to me and then just as I start to feel secure and remotely happy run off and leave me vulnerable. Let me begin to trust you and tell you things i've held so close for so many years only to have them thrown back in your face like they mean nothing. Tell me you love me and let me love you back before telling me to forget all about you." What is it about me that I always end up hurt and alone at the end of the day.

Yesterday everything was starting to look up.

 But then today

The guy I love (I don't know why I love him, he told me he loved me first, planted the notion in my head. I didn't want to love him.  I've learnt that love only leads to hurt but for some reason I began to trust him, my bad) told me he had to get back with his girlfriend because she's very important in his group of friends and apparently they'll all turn their backs on him if he won't get back with her.

So that's the backstory, here's my observation

I met a friend who was with her boyfriend the entire time (despite making a big deal about wanting to meet me ) and she kept treating him like shit. First it was little things like her hands were full and so when her phone rang rather than gentle give him something to hold for her she practically threw stuff at him. Then she wanted to get ice cream and dragged him off to help her get it but rather than stay with him she left him to buy it alone and came back to the group complaining the shop was too hot.I can't really describe how badly she treats him but all his friends say it too. She recently told him she wanted an open relationship so she can get with other people but not cheat on him. Thats just not right.

And the message is

How come a bitch like her has a boyfriend? And it's not just her, I see it all the time. Girls who demand their boyfriends not to talk to other girls. Girls who take their hoodies without even asking if they'll be cold themselves without it. Girls who are complete air heads and give girls a bad name.
How come bitches like that can get a nice guy but I keep reeling in jerks. Seriously, If I could begin to describe my past guys you'd be very surprised that someone could be that unfortunate to meet three guys who've done practically the same thing to me. When the same thing happends over and over again you have to wonder, maybe it's not them.

Maybe it's me.

But then I think

If I had a boyfriend I'd treat him how I would want to me treated. I'd never keep him from his friends. I'd never take his clothes (or any of his belongings for that matter). I'd make time for him, alone time, where we'd go on romantic type dates and actually talk to eachother. I'd share my interests and hobbies with him, my dreams and hopes for the future and in return yearn the same from him. I'd play soccer with him, even if I sucked. I'd try learn about his favourite sports, even if it bored my socks off. I'd take him to places I love, my alone places, because I wouldn't want to be there alone anymore when I could be there with him. I'd never expect anything from him and I'd love him for whatever he does.

 I'd love him like tomorrow was my last.

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