Life can be good at times

Yesterday was weird. I went camping on an island with some friends but I was the only one who actually brought camping gear. In the end they stayed in a hotel but fuck that. I carried all that camping gear for miles through sand dunes and put up the tent to go camping so I was camping. They didn't want to leave me, they tried to talk me into going with them but call me stubborn, I had it in my mind that I was cammping so I was camping. Then one of them got mad, shouted at me that I was being childish and everything always had to be about me and stormed off. 

This morning I met back up with them. Was awkward with the girl who got mad but fuck it, lifes too short too worry about silly fights.When I got home I met up with Naoise. She was telling me about what happened at an 28th party the night before. She was really drunk and some how ended up going off with this guy and giving him head and her boyfriend walked over and caught her in the act. This is the girl I was talking about in my previous post, the one who doesn't deserve her boyfriend. She walks all over his heart.

The best part abput today though was Keith. I only met him about two weeks ago but fucking hell he's actually amazing. I met him today and we had a fancy fancy day. We went and got steak and pepper sauce and all the trimmings and I cooked him dinner and we drank Ame from fancy champagne glasses and set the table all nice. My Dad's gone for two weeks see so I had the house to myself. It's the little things about him. I don't even have to try. I'd say something random and weird and he'd just laugh and tell me he loves me. I can actually be myself around him. I didn't want him to leave but his Mom wanted him home to get his suit ect ready for the races tomorrow. That's one thing I want to tell him about, my Mom. I just don't know how to bring it up in conversation and the longer I leave it the harder it is. I  keep talking about her and then about my Dad's girlfriend but he won't ask where she is, if they got divorced ect. If he did it'd be so much easier.

I have a job interview tomorrow so I really should go to sleep. Fingers crossed I get it.

Material Girl

  You could call it a fear.

                                                I don't want my life to be measured on what I own.

     I want it to be measured in how far I've come.


Where I've been.

                                                                   Who I've met.                   
                                                                                     And influenced.

What I've done.

                                       Not what I've got.


I'd like to believe I've learnt a lesson.

                                         A hard lesson.

                                                    That there are more important things in life.
                                                                                                                             
                                                                         Than stuff.


I've learnt that the important things.

                                                                    The things we must fight to protect.


Those

Are

Irreplaceable 

Is there something on my face?

What is it about me that screams "Hey! Please come into my life, mean something to me and then just as I start to feel secure and remotely happy run off and leave me vulnerable. Let me begin to trust you and tell you things i've held so close for so many years only to have them thrown back in your face like they mean nothing. Tell me you love me and let me love you back before telling me to forget all about you." What is it about me that I always end up hurt and alone at the end of the day.

Yesterday everything was starting to look up.

 But then today

The guy I love (I don't know why I love him, he told me he loved me first, planted the notion in my head. I didn't want to love him.  I've learnt that love only leads to hurt but for some reason I began to trust him, my bad) told me he had to get back with his girlfriend because she's very important in his group of friends and apparently they'll all turn their backs on him if he won't get back with her.

So that's the backstory, here's my observation

I met a friend who was with her boyfriend the entire time (despite making a big deal about wanting to meet me ) and she kept treating him like shit. First it was little things like her hands were full and so when her phone rang rather than gentle give him something to hold for her she practically threw stuff at him. Then she wanted to get ice cream and dragged him off to help her get it but rather than stay with him she left him to buy it alone and came back to the group complaining the shop was too hot.I can't really describe how badly she treats him but all his friends say it too. She recently told him she wanted an open relationship so she can get with other people but not cheat on him. Thats just not right.

And the message is

How come a bitch like her has a boyfriend? And it's not just her, I see it all the time. Girls who demand their boyfriends not to talk to other girls. Girls who take their hoodies without even asking if they'll be cold themselves without it. Girls who are complete air heads and give girls a bad name.

How come bitches like that can get a nice guy but I keep reeling in jerks. Seriously, If I could begin to describe my past guys you'd be very surprised that someone could be that unfortunate to meet three guys who've done practically the same thing to me. When the same thing happends over and over again you have to wonder, maybe it's not them.

Maybe it's me.

But then I think

If I had a boyfriend I'd treat him how I would want to me treated. I'd never keep him from his friends. I'd never take his clothes (or any of his belongings for that matter). I'd make time for him, alone time, where we'd go on romantic type dates and actually talk to eachother. I'd share my interests and hobbies with him, my dreams and hopes for the future and in return yearn the same from him. I'd play soccer with him, even if I sucked. I'd try learn about his favourite sports, even if it bored my socks off. I'd take him to places I love, my alone places, because I wouldn't want to be there alone anymore when I could be there with him. I'd never expect anything from him and I'd love him for whatever he does.

 I'd love him like tomorrow was my last.